Sunday, September 19, 2010

Lasing

Lasing

Sinita ng isang pulis ang isang lasing nang ito ay magtangkang pumasok sa isang bahay.

Lasing : (hik!) bahay ko po ito.

Pulis : mapapatunayan mo ba yang sinasabi mo?

Lasing : Opo (hik!)

At isinama niya sa loob ng kabahayan ang pulis. Nang sila ay nasa loob ng ng bahay ay binuksan ng lasing ang isang silid.

Lasing : Nakikita mo ba yang mga batang natutulog? Iyan ang mga anak ko (hik!)

Pagkatapos ay bumaling naman ito sa pintuan ng kabilang silid at marahang binuksan ang pinto nito.

Lasing : nakikit mo yang babaeng nakahiga sa kama? Iyan ang aking asawa

Pulis : (takang-taka) sino naman yang lalaki na katabi niya?

Lasing : Ako yan

Lasing nga!!! hehehehe

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Doktor

Doktor

Charry : Dok, di ko na maunawaan ang nangyayari sa akin. Gabi-gabi na lang ay nag- yayaya ako ng mga lalaki upang makasama sa pagtulog

Doktor : Alam ko!

Charry : Wag mong sabihing nayaya na kita?



Friday, September 17, 2010

Hinoldap naman ngayon si Mimosa!

Hinoldap naman ngayon si Mimosa!

Kinabukasan, sa isang madilim na iskinita, muli na namang isang di nakikilalang lalaki ang lumapit kay Mimosa.

Holdaper : Taas ang kamay! Akin na lahat ng pera mo!

Mimosa : Naku, mama, pwede bang rape na lang?

Holdaper : Ano? Magkakasakit ako, ‘tsaka may taste ako no! Akin na ang pera mo kung ayaw mong masaktan!

Mimosa : kasi wala akong dalang cash…. Pwede bang tseke na lang????

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Rapist ni Mimosa

Rapist ni Mimosa

Sa isang shower room, bigla na lamang pinasok si Mimosa ng isang lalaking hayok.

Rapist : Wag kang sisigaw, kundi mamamatay ka

Mimosa : Wag! Parang awa mo na, wag mo akong sasaktan.

Rapist : Kung ayaw mong masaktan, sumunod ka sa mga sasabihin ko!

Mimosa : Oo susunod ako, kaya lang pwede bang mag-request?

Rapist : Ano yun?

Mimosa : Pwede bang hayaan mo muna akong makapaligo? At ikaw na rin

ang maghilod ng likod ko!

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Miss Universe' Views

The Setting:
Pageant Night Ms. Universe Beauty Pageant Q&A Portion.

The Finalists:
Miss America
Miss Spain
Miss Great Britain
Miss Iran
Miss India
Miss Philippines

Question: Ms. America, how do you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms. America: Well, I would say that, male organs in America are like gentlemen.
Q: Why do you say that?
Ms. America: Because it stands everytime it sees a woman.
(Applause..Applause)

Q: Ms. Spain, how do you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms. Spain: Male organs in our country are like toros in our very own bullfight.
Q: Why do you say that?
Ms. Spain: Because it charges everytime it sees an opening.
(Applause..Applause)

Q: Ms. Great Britain, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms. Great Britain: Male organs in our country are like Shakespearean actors.
Q: Why do you say that?
Ms. Great Britain: Because it cries after every performance.
(Applause..Applause)

Q: Ms. Iran, how would you describe a male organ in you country?
Ms. Iran: Well, I can say that male organs in our country are like thieves.
Q: Why? Ms. Iran: Because they always enter thru the back door.
(Applause..Applause)

Q: Ms. India, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms. India: A male organ in our country is like a laborer.
Q: Why do you say that?
Ms. India: Because it works day and night.
(Applause..Applause)

Q: Ms. Philippines, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms. Philippines: Ahh..well, opcors, hi,hi,hi…I can say dat male organs in our country are like chismis!
Q: Chismis?
Ms. Philippines: Ayy sorry!!..It’s ano.. Kuwan… It means GOSSIP in our language.
Q: Hmm.. Interesting comparison.. And why do you say that?
Ms. Philippines: Ayy..diyahe!! Hihihi, Kasi… I mean… Because…it passes from mouth to mouth.
(STANDING OVATION)

dRUGS

Beauty contest


Emcee: What’s the big problem facing the country today?


Contestant: Drugs


Emcee: Very good, why do you say that?


Contestant: Ang mahal kasi eh!



Pamasahe


A naked girl takes a taxi

Naked Girl: ‘Bakit ka nakatitig as katawan ko, ngayon ka lang ba nakakita ng hubad?’

Driver: ‘Hindi Po miss, iniisip ko lang kung saan nakatago pamasahe MO,,,